the patten

lot of things are happening I was seen more than what I think many dreams comes to my mind now the dreams that I had but after few months all of them come true when I went to ITRDI for my increment form the conversation I had with AO was familiar. after few days I remembered I saw it on a dream it looked real that I was wondering when that was happen but I was not seen the past but the future it is very weird to live like this. seems I see lot than I am remembering and these dreams guide me unconsciously. it is a troubling thing why did I the only one see them. does this has meaning!!!!

The country

බුද්ධියට නොව හදවතට සවන්දෙන මිනිසුන් සිටින මේ රටේ බුද්ධිමතුන්ට කිනම් ස්ථානයක්ද ඔවුන් ගේ හදවත්වලට දැනෙන්න කතාකලවිට ඔවුන් ඊට නතුවේ මම අසා තිබෙනවා හිට්ලර් ගේ කථා කොතරම් තේරුම් රහිත උවද මිනිසුන් එය අසා ඔල්වරසන් දුන්බව මොකද ඔහු මිනිසුන්ගේ හදවතට කථා කල අයෙක් එවිට ඔවුන් බුද්ධිය පසකලා හදවතට අනුව කටයුතු කරයි. අද විදේශ කුමන්ත්‍රණ, විජාතික බලවේග කියා මිනිසුන් රවටනවා විවිධ ආගමික දේවල් පෙන්වා ඒවායේ නාමයෙන් ක්‍රියාකරන්න කියා ඉල්ලා සිටිනවා මිනිසුන් මෙපමන මුලාවේනනෙ ඇයි ඔවුන් ට ඇත්තටම බුද්ධිය හීන වීද. රට ජාතිය ආගම ඉදිරියට දා මිනිසුන් තමන්ට අවශ්‍ය දේ ඔවුන්ගෙන් කරගන්නා අතර ඔවුන් මුලාවී ඒ සියල්ල කරණු ලබනවා. ඔවුන්ට යමක් අමතකවී හැඩයි රට යනු මිනිසුන් නොවනබව. රට බේරාගැනීමට මිනිසුන්ට කෑම ඇදීම දී කල නොහැකි බව රට සංවර්ධනය කිරීමට නමි මිනිසුන්ට ඉතා මහන්සී වැඩකලයුතු බව මක් නිසාද යත් මිනිසුන්ගේ දියුනුව රටේ දියුණුව නොවන අතර රටේ දුයුණු ව මිනිසුන්ගේ දියුණුවද නොවේ.

It happen again

it happen again I even not remember when I saw me going to police station with one of the teachers of my school and making a complaint about some thing and when I work up I knew it was a dream so I forget it all. it was a few months ago and a week before it happen I really went to the police station riding on a bike same way as I saw on the dream. when I came home I remember I saw it on a dream few months ago. how is this possible to see to your future. does this mean future is not what we think is fix and flow as it must. if so does destiny is real. if so do astrology is real too do decisions we make have no impact on our future this is amazing.

the day she come

the day she come will be the day I die I know it become it is how I see it I do not care any more I was lost for so long time now I found my way I will always be with what I want at the end I will leave leaving everything

the gratest things

I thought she would come but she is dumb as rest of them I have no Idea of what is going on and nither I caire this war is wearing me off. some times I want to die but things keep me living my child she is my juwel I am alrady bound with her. she is the most important thing I have I always blame my parent for not been there for me one was abored making money even I ask him to come he did not. I do not want that kind of anger form my child you are just an imagination. my entire life is a lie and I am not going to be free form it every thing I did is wrong I should not done that.
my life has came to end I have evolided to undestand I was the Observer it was my mistake to be involve with their lives my path is alwasy dark pain giving me strengh. I was living in hell and my entire world will become ash you have gone & I undestand my life is here with my family.

the grave of my enimies

Feels like ages I have made up my mind that is how it would be my whole world will become you my world has ended and I am alone. the people with stupid attitude and Ideas and tell me I am a fool if I got a chance I will leave this country all together there is nothing here for me now except my child I live because of her. but this stupid people should go to their graves and should stay their for what they done. if any god ever exist he will do me justice. i will not rest in peace until it is done. at least then I will rest in peace

What it would be

all the time that I was left alone with I realize that I'm home I have a child who needs me no matter what I could not leave her a child can not live or grow up with out her father. this it the thing that they should understand for all time I was in pain and she never cared

pain it is what teaches me you are not what you think and not what I thought even this will not make you happy I am living a life that is not my own and your mock me and destroy my life my further I ask for justice and nothing happen it is what you are what you will be

you will never learn nor any in this country I have to leave it but you will never understand. the socially crippled and even the small relation ships become challenging but you do not care. I thought she would come but she did not my whole life is mess up and she enjoined every marmot of it do you think I will need such a person some one who can not be trusted I do not think so my undemanding will be more. 

The black sheep

The black sheep that is me one who does things differently. For long as I remember I was like this difference it is what I am it is what I was and what I got the god made me or nature it does not matter but I know now that I am not to interfere them. My path is my own it is the path of my salvation they have to learn it by themselves. The time waits for no one I see, I hear and but I do not feel my mind is difference I was good at accepting the facts. Understanding things explaining things. But for them it is hard never thing that they will come around. No point of wasting time so I move on. The last log of my life. If anyone ever ask me of life or education or employment my answers will change form now on it is up to individual people to find out.

I am on my path. When Buddha gain enlighten he was not sure that people would understand but he was convince that they were smart enough to do it. In my case they were not. But for this them at this hour people will loose more than what they gain. Their belief will be their undoing. it will destroy them and I am the observer that watch them for all time I will keep my records for they work with heart not with wisdom and you cannot put wisdom in those brains. Simply they are more sensitive to feelings than the reasoning. So they will be picked and will be moved by others as they wish.

death how sweet it is.

time always on edge I was inform I have to leave although I was expecting this I am in dough now sometime I feel like going away. perhaps this will end all my problems, I never did able to bare it. once I drank 7 Panadol but It did not kill me. wonted to hang my self but could not make my mind to do it. I do not know perhaps at the end it will end well.

if I can die tomorrow I will be the happiest man in this planet but god has other plans it seems I am not in a good physiological mood depression it is always with me now I foget everything even what people told me a minute a go. sometime I fogot even have I talk to them. I told some people that I'm seen them from a long time to find out that I have just talk to them an hour a go.

it is slowly killing me out of focus could not function well. I am sure I will end up in a mental hospital at least will get a treatment form one. it is hard to live but I have to some people depends on me.

I remember one when my first boss leaves he made a speech I always love that  at the end he told us that I am not sorry for anything I did if I did some thing it is for the best of this organization or to the best of that person. Wasantha Nimalasiri Sir you inspired me the most.