pain always a welcome site it is good let you feel alive I have not bee living for long time now I feel it I almost forgot on what it is like and thank you for letting me know It always keeps me alive pain it do and when I'm in pain I think straight. understand many more that I normal do like how meaningless things we do in life like how selfish the love is. every one says it means some thing but I am not sure what they mean all I see is illusion. a name that use to hide peoples desires what they really want I wonder. she really is something I wonder is this by purpose. is she really know what she is doing or how it ends. already beginning to see it as a mistake I should not have done it.
perhaps I might find some thing more more about her in waiting
I almost feel sorry for her because if I turn back I will never return I am not that easily pervasive and my partitions are running low. yet some thing keeps me attached to her why I have no Idea I never been this emotional some thing I never felt never know I had it. it seems she is the only thing I feel but why? why do I not feel anything but her
when tsunami strict I laugh seen the devastation I never moved even by such devastation but she. she moves me. why
always never could understand them can't express my self the problem I have all my life did not know when to cry and when to laugh infarct I have laugh at things that I should have been crying some time I wonder am I faking them do I not feel anything at all.
perhaps some questions are best left unanswered I almost enjoy it now the pain it brings smiles to my face. so much that I even do not like to let it go wow.
It gives me time to think manage my strategies and helps me to control my daemons the one I was feared a lot. something I never seen after my child hood.
wonder is there a meaning to all of this perhaps when I done my time will come to leave which I gladly wait for.
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