I do not know What I should do now. I am tired of talking to a ghost. it have to end waiting for a reply that never come. I need to do this but am I doing the right thing I do not know I want to see her hold her hand an walk. talk with her spend time with her but it seems for ever it will not happen and I am out of pations. I need to move on as my life is going down so fast this have to be done now there is no other way. I may not doing the right thing but I can not help it this might be the biggest mistake I make in my life but I was doing so many of them now I do not care anymore, it is this or go back in to a a life of full of pain or become a monk or some thing like that I am failing in life and my hole life is becoming a mess. ether she have to come or I have to make my derision on this matter or I will not free it will be always a pain. I wish she come and talk hold my hand walk with me but it is not becoming a reality I am not in a mode for any more adjustment it will have to be done if it has to or I will never be free. I am shaking and I would not be able to hang on with a faith I may have to move on thing king this is all a dream.
I have no courage to go on it have to stop and this have to be done even it was the biggest mistake I will ever do in my life. either she have to come or I have to move on. that is final now I could not hang on to this any more.
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